I don't know where to begin. I'm not even quite sure what happened.
Though, one version goes like this:
It was a Saturday.
RK was out on a huge bike ride. I planned on sitting at the computer and working all day.
I walked out of the apartment to get toilet paper at walgreens.
I came home with a dog.
And not just any dog. The most gorgeous little girl dog I've ever seen. I have never, in my life, felt this way about a little furry creature.
Yes, yes, I like animals--though many of my friends think I'm slightly cold or distant when it comes to their animals, or I don't like their cats... I DO, honestly. I like them.
But this? THIS is love. It's crazy. I feel a little crazy.
When I picked her up from the little open cage that held her and a few other rescued dogs, waiting to be adopted, I held her to my chest and she melted into me. Tears started streaming down my face and I couldn't talk. It was a completely surreal moment as the people around began turning towards me asking if this was my dog? was i adopting? had anyone ever seen a dog relax into someone like that? hey, thats magic! wow! what you two have is something! ohmygod, did someone just fall in love? wow, look at you two together! It felt amazing, but what I said outloud was, "oh, I don't know. I just came out to get some toilet paper, really, but...but....yet...I can't seem to put her down" ohno, don't put her down! they all cried in unison (it seemed) that's your dog! take her home! that doesn't often happen like that (or) that's what happened to me and my dog, that's just how it happened, we fell in love.
It was clear, I was going home with this dog.
The moment I walked away from that corner, with this little, innocent, soft-furred being, I immediately suffered mom-fear: What if she cuts her paw on a piece of glass? What if another dog bites her? What if she gets hit by a car? Ohmygod, she's gonna die one of these days. I don't want to loose her! I went through it all. Then, I got home, put her on my lap and waited.
For the next 5 hours, she slept, I stroked her gorgeous coat, I stared at her and I thought about what I was going to tell RK when he got home*.
Another version is that I was ready to fall in love. I was ready to make another commitment in my life. Thank you to anon, for sending me that Ferris video clip, it made me sit up just a little bit more and look around a little bit more clearly. The fact is, I inked messages on my forearms for this very reason: I want to be here now and be able to let go at the very same time. Stella Marie, this innocent, soft-furred being, is forcing me to do this.
*I needn't have spent much time thinking about what to say to RK. He walked in the door, took one look at her and that's all she wrote.