Saturday, May 16, 2009

spammin' good time

Where others have come go these "people":

Lingley Furr : Lingley was a skinny little kid who grew up to be a seamstress. But she never quite got the sewing part down. She climbs trees on weekends and owns three goldfish.

Toepel Hazell: Toepel is a collector. In particular, she collects dishes with faces on them. Mugs with eyeballs, plates with smiles, creamers with ears. She also collects those mustache mugs, not because she knows anyone with a mustache (Ms. Hazell is happily single, thank you), but because she likes putting her upper lip in there when she drinks milk.

Paulita Boldosser: Gads! Paulita is bossy! She's not a fan of anyone else's opinion. She had a really hard time when she was head of the garden walk last year.

Eiser Oswalt: Eiser spends his days tinkering with Model A's. He'll do Model T's too, but you've got to get on his good side from the beginning. Not hard to do, actually. Eiser is a sucker for caramel candies. Mary Jane's are his favorite.

Oaks Mengwasser: Oaks won "The Worlds Greatest Grandmother" award in 1960. She was super proud of it, but you'd never know it. She kept the plaque in her closet with her numerous checkerboard games.

Sanner Amidon

Kyler Chaffins

Mahunik Hembry

Maione Piche

Herimann Siever

Kihn Casterline

Ziter Noethiger

oakley birnberg

mayo bracy (one of the best!)

wander orji (another super goodie!)

daloia frates

baran henshaw

and, then, if you received an email from any one of these people (if they were even ON email! 'cuz, let's face it, most of these people are probably too busy to be caught up on email), it would probably read something like this:

Sometimes a cyprus mulch hibernates, but another demon always caricatures a cashier! If the tuba player over a hydrogen atom borrows money from another roller coaster toward an inferiority complex, then the cab driver over another girl scout takes a coffee break. When an accidentally orbiting hydrogen atom is usually hypnotic, a slow parking lot negotiates a prenuptial agreement with an accurately magnificent blood clot. A power drill inside the spider leaves, because a vacuum cleaner about a burglar pours freezing cold water on a phony fundraiser. Indeed, a crank case buys an expensive gift for the grizzly bear for a tuba player. An insurance agent...

oh spam, you never cease to amuse me!


Wayne said...

Have you ever listened to audio of Jack Kerouac reading his own work out loud? So much of it is nasal, rambling nonsense, but it's still really strangely hypnotic and beautiful in its own way when you listen to it. I couldn't help but read that spam text "as read by Jack Kerouac."

Molly said...

I've also been 'enjoying' (?) some spam like this recently and yes Wayne, I also like to 'read' it in a certain 'voice'. Hadn't thought to try Kerouac yet though ...