Monday, February 8, 2010
if i could pick any mom in the whole world, i would pick you, miss molly
well, i said to her, YOUR mom is really, really pretty great...
oh, well, she could be an aunt, she replied....
I always figured I'd have a lot of kids. Five, actually. I think the number 5 stuck with me because I have four brothers and sisters and being one of five is one of the best parts of my life. I've always been happiest when I'm with my family. At a party, I feel stronger with my sisters and brothers there. I'm proud to walk into a gathering with this crew. I'm proud of how my siblings make people feel alive. I think, in a very large part, we owe it to our two awesome parents. I'm one of those people that thinks alot of what we are, both good and bad, we owe to the people who raised us.
From the moment I met RK I thought 'damn, we'd make good parents. we'd make those kind of parents other kids wanted as their parents. those all-around parents that are just being themselves cuz they like each other so much and they're digging on you being your own person and they still like going to beastie boys concerts at the hollywood bowl and they're cool but have good boundaries that i won't totally appreciate until waaaaaay later....'. You know, I went there. I've always wanted to carry and raise a bunch of little kids.
So, it seems inevitable that I envisioned living out this life with my husband and this large brood doing all the fabulous things my family did. We'd go camping and canoeing A LOT. We'd stop at every river along the road and look for fools gold. On the way home from a long day at the beach, we'd do chinese-fire-drills at every stoplight. We'd hike into canyons and climb trees and go skiing in the winter. We'd throw crazy parties & wear costumes for any occasion: valentines day, st patricks day, halloween. I'd make my mom's infamous sugar cookies stamped in the current holiday shape. We'd own a VW van.
As fate would have it, I don't think we'll be birthing our own. And, other than family, friends and first graders, I don't know that we'll ever have kids in our day to day lives. It's a little strange to accept. And, as it turned out, it was a loooooooong, strange acceptance. But acceptance it seems to be.
Though sometimes I don't know if comments like margot's keep me sane or quietly break my heart.