A friend recently read me a poem she wrote that was all about telling love off. The sickly sweetness of it, the friggin hearts, the wilting roses, the furtive love notes--it was actually a really great poem. And, I'm in love. But, I remember when I wasn't. And I desperately wished I was. And how that felt. There were definitely times I wanted to throw a torch while walking by a hallmark shop on valentine's day...or that I'd prayed to the cynical gods above me that the couple sitting in front of me at the movies would take their tonsil hockey somewhere else. But then, I also remember when love did arrive at my doorstep in the form of RK. How new and fresh it all was. How shiny and perfect. There was no room for what ifs or what was life like moments before. Flaws weren't something you searched for, your eyes were too taken with this cloud of romance hovering above you, swirling around you, filling you both up. Hearts, in the shape of balloons, or chocolate cakes or pendants, were all just fine with you. Roses, you couldn't get enough dozens to keep you satiated. Love notes were scribbled on everything within reach. And those hallmark shops you'd pass by, well, suddenly, every card in there seemed printed for you and your love. It's not that you think these things can't happen, it's just that it starts to feel like they'll never happen to you. It's not that you forget these things when you don't have them, it's that you long for them with such great passion that the longing can reach a bitter end. And sometimes, that's what's left there, that bitter taste. I'm in no way implying my friend is bitter. In fact, she's just the opposite. She's hopeful, without a trace of bitterness. Excited, with all the anxious unknown that comes with that. After she read the poem, which ends with a real promise to future, positive love, it made me excited. It made me excited for her, for what lays out there in the future. And it made me remember that first sight of love, at my front door, all over again. It made me remember all the hearts and balloons and roses and love notes. It made me remember that it can happen instantly. I'm so very happy and lucky to be in this loving relationship, this comforting and passionate balance of friendship and love, but sometimes it's just as sweet to remember those first days of discovery all over again....
I'd wish this kind of love on all my friends.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you're just sick about it?
Have you ever longed for something for so long and not gotten it
that you start to rifle thru the files of the bad karma you may have committed in your past to bring on such bad luck in your present?
And then had to keep reminding yourself, there's always the future?
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
My neice, Sofia, was in town visiting a couple of weekends ago and it was no holds-barred! What do you want to do Sofia? Anything you want! Anything! Wanna go to the moon? Maybe I can get tickets. Wanna hire a private jet to see Alcatraz from above? Suuuuuurrrre. Why not? I wanted to give her the world!
Really, I was ready for anything, any requests or demands on sites and scenes! But, instead of having big ideas in her head or demanding cotton candy while riding a seal at Pier 39, she was up for anything that came our way and was okay with everything that did and didn't happen and was easy going all the way through. She never complained or asked for more or something different. It was like being with the dream 10 year old.
We hit up fisherman's wharf: every inch of the Aquarium, the Arcade, ate fish & chips, pigged out on ice cream, and stood watching for ages, in awe, the seals at Pier 39. When we got home that night, we ordered pizza and rented Pretty in Pink. She liked the movie, but when I asked her if she thought it was a bit dated...I could see she didn't want to hurt my feelings (I'd already regaled her with stories of my childhood love for this movie, molly ringwald, ducky, all things pink, and on and on...as well as shedding a few tears watching it this time around, and no, i'm not embarrassed... i LOVE this movie!!!), she looked at me from the corner of her eye and said, "um, dated? i guess, a little". I wouldn't blame her for wondering how those people ever became actors. Let's face it, Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald ain't your classic beautys of the Disney channel, which she's addicted to. I even made her sit through all the special features and she didn't make a peep. Was she bored? Tired? Probably deathly so! Good ole Sofia...
For me, it was a dream weekend. I love hanging out with Sofia and always have. I feel like I've grown up with her at the same time that I feel like she might just outgrow me someday...but, as long as she'll have me, I'll take her anywhere she wants to go and show her all the greats, including Sixteen Candles.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I'm in the thick of it with trying to get all my ducks in a row. I've got the stationary show coming up in just a few weeks, and I'm trying to keep up with Etsy, making new cards, some commission work and we're trying, really thinking about trying, to re-organize our house to make it work like an efficient machine (the old saying 'everything has it's place' is what we're going for...).
So, while writing has seemed to move into the back seat...when I sit down to do it, I realize how much I miss it. So, I'm saving up thoughts and funny stories and hoping I'll remember them all and be able to launch into them here at some point...
In the meantime, while I was shooting some work down at the studio, both for recording purposes and to put up on the ole Etsy, I found a little something. A little gift someone left me...I almost missed it. He matches the feathers.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I'm currently visiting LA. But it never really feels like "visiting" so much as coming home. Most of my family lives here, or in surrounding areas, so I always stay with family. If I go to my parents, I'm in the house I grew up, which can't be beat for 'going home again'. And if I go to my sister's, it's truly a second home. It always has been; whether we're living in upstate New York, or downtown Manhattan, or an apartment in Los Feliz, my sister, Kaari, knows how to make you feel totally, 100% at home. Mi Casa es Su Casa should be printed on her doorstep. Step inside her home and you're offered a drink, a meal and do you need a bathing suit?, there's an extra one in the closet. Her sense of style, her amazing collections, her ability to gather an old desk, a vintage day bed and a beautiful antique chair and make a room feel like the old country, is amazing. She owns a great shop in Hollywood where her sense of style is broadcast to the world (though, for some, a bit too quietly: there's no real hours, but they're open on Fridays now). She's written books and done the occasional magazine interview, but the latest and greatest news is the one where she's brought herself into the current day. My excitement about creating an Etsy shop was equal to, if not surpassed by, the fact that Kaari is finally blogging. Now, those of us who can't actually live in her home, we can finally live in her world. For more than a few short sentences, a good number of great ideas, and some fantastic photos, you're transported into Kaari's thought process. I, for one, am thrilled about it. Even though I talk to her on a weekly basis, I'm still happily surprised by the posts. Even my mom, who was sitting right there with my sister and me today, in the shop, turned to the computer to read her blog!
I know most people are probably inundated with how many blogs they feel the need to keep up with....but, I'd still like to suggest one more to add to the list, The Warp and The Weft. You won't be sorry you did. And if you call me to see if you can come stay with us next time we're headed 'home', I won't be surprised...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I'm old fashioned.
I like writing with pencil versus pen.
I prefer typing on an old typewriter to a keyboard.
I like picking up an object in my hand instead of just seeing it online.
I like the old dial phones. Even better, I'd vote to go back to a party line where you just had to pick up the handle and yell, "Operator! Get me...."
I long for the days of old.
But, I live in the here and now. And in the here and now there are lots and lots of opportunities to spread the love on this little ole thing they call the internet.
Let me be brief--we can pull out the sparklers and beer later--I've opened an ETSY shop!!
I'm excited. I'm exhausted. I'm glad it's there. I'm happy to be a part of the future.
Operator! Get me Etsy!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It was my birthday on Sunday.
It made me realize I'd been writing this blog for over a year. I vaguely remembered writing about the positive aspect of getting older last year when it was my birthday. While I'm not sure I truly felt as good about getting older then as I do now, I'm glad I at least projected the positive attitude...for my own sake, really.
This year, this year is gonna be different. Not in a good or bad way, just different. It has to be. It's a new year. I've never really been one for New Years Eve or Day. It seems my job, teaching, or my age, whatever that may be, has defined what a "year" means to me. So, it's not January to December, it's September to June or April to April. It's constructed in my head that way, like a calender. In fact, I even buy a calender that is August to August...it just seems to make more sense. Besides, I find years ending and beginning in the dead of winter downright depressing.
Unlike my birth-week this year. Now, this was amazing! Dinners and parties and gifts galore all week long! It was over the top, but who could blame us? T and I had a double aries celebration and so many fabulous friends came and we partied like it was 1999 (Boy, was THAT a year!). Made it a real late one, turned the kitchen into a dance floor and stuck to a strict diet of champagne and cupcakes.
The weekend before that, I got to head to LA and do it all with my family, as well. My mom made my favorite dishes for dinner and a huge home-made lemon cake with squiggly candles on it.I got phonecalls and cards and flowers. It seemed to go on and on....like a good year should.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I love libraries. I find them to be one of the last great historical institutions. I hope they never, ever go away. If you must: read all your newspapers on line, upload or download all your books onto one of those electronic book reader things (who cares if it can hold 18 books?! who can possibly read 18 books on vacation?!), and buy every best seller when it comes out. But, if you want an experience that is just a bit closer to the soul...head to the library. The small, neighborhood ones are the best. Though "main" libraries have something to show off (an art hanging, or fancy tables with bright lights) it's the little, tucked away ones that have the most heart. I don't buy books anymore. Well, not current ones anyway. I would buy an old copy of Atlas Shrugged, if I didn't already own two. Or, I might buy a great book for someone else... but, for the most part, I'm a library go-er.
I go in without a clue. I don't know what I'm looking for or what I'll find. I stroll through the isles like I've got all the time in the world (and really, I only enjoy going there if I do!). I scan the spines and look for a title that grabs me. If I like the look of the cover or the title, I take it off the shelf and read the first few pages. If the story doesn't grab me in the first few pages, I place it carefully back in it's spot for the next reader to find and move on. And I like to go alone. It's hard to judge 'library time' with someone else. Inevitably, one person is ready to go before the other and it might be right in the middle of a crucial isle scan or when you're in the depths of the reference books that can't be checked out and you're not walking away from that just 'cuz someone else is "bored." Bored? In a library? I don't get it.
I recently started going to a new branch. The branch that is nearest to me is closed for renovations for the next year or so. That was heartbreaking for me. I was in there a few weeks ago, doing what I do, when I walked to the counter with my arms full of books and asked about the return date (I'm still not used to the receipt-like-print-out and really miss the days of stamping the due date right into the front of the book--it just makes sense!). The guy behind the counter told me I'd get three weeks on the books but they were closing tomorrow. I felt tears well up in my eyes...
"WHAT?! What do you mean you're closing? What is this world coming to?! Gads! Why does everything good and old fashioned and community based have to end?! Why?!"
"Um, no, miss, we're just closing for a year or so, for renovations."
Just then, another local patron yelled across the room, "Yeah! If you don't like it, complain to the local (somebody or other). They're the ones ruining it for all of us! They're the ones closing the libraries just to fix them up!"
Well, I wanted to say, fixing up the library wouldn't be so bad. Would it? I mean, they're finally going to update the bathroom and that, my friend, is fairly important. That particular library's bathroom rates as the worst room I've ever been in. So, I decided to look on the bright side and find myself a new branch in the meantime.
Which brings me to the book I've just read and need to rave and rave about: Miranda July's No One Belongs Here More Than You.
Yes, yes, I know it came out last year. Heck, I even posted about it. But I didn't actually get around to reading it til now. And it is just wonderful. I knew it would be. I didn't even read the first few pages before checking it out. I just leaped and dove and started happily swimming in it immediately. Wow. I don't care what the nay-sayers say about her and her quirks. It was like this girl had mined my deepest thoughts and combined them with her own weird twist and type, type, type...there it all was on the page. I have one more story to read and my books are due on Friday (I've resigned myself to actually writing down the due date in my calender because I can't keep hanging onto that receipt!)and, I think, as a treat to myself, I'll save the last story to read in the library and then return the book. It's that good.
The other major bonus to heading to the local library these days: they're getting hipper! The card at the top of this post is my new library card. That's right! As I was sniffing around my new branch the other day, I came across this little sign that said I could turn in my old card for one of the new designs. I seized on that one p.d.q. and, now, I pull it out with pride. Everyone else is jealous of my new library card. I'm secretly hoping it'll make them all library go-ers too!