Crowned

The time had come. I was of an age. The day had arrived. I got a crown and I got it in gold, just like I wanted. Everyone wondered why the heck I'd want a gold crown when, in this day and age, they make perfectly good enamel-tooth-colored ones?!

Hey, it's not my tooth anymore, why would I want to pretend?
I like the bling!
It's one of those in-a-financial-emergency, we have a safety net things (or, so I 'd always heard).
And, it was the only thing getting me through what I saw as a pretty depressing, aging, ruined thing. A crown! It was one step away from a root canal...I may as well go out with a bang!

After three appointments, lots of Novocain, and almost choking to death when the crown fell in my throat, I was actually feeling pretty good about my new gold tooth. On the way home, I saw this huge, young, Samoan guy with a gold tooth right smack dab in the middle of his smile. One of his two front teeth! Just glinting in the sun! I stopped him and told him how much I liked it.

me: it looks really cool. really cool. i just got one, too. see? (grinning as hard as i can and pointing to one of my waaay back teeth)

him: yeah, very cool. why you hide it way back there?

me: yes, my point exactly!


After we talked for quite awhile about all the coolness that is a gold tooth, I explained that that's the tooth that actually needed the crown. They weren't just handing out gold crowns at my annual cleaning and I decided 'hey, throw a gold one in there for the heck of it'. He then proceeded to tell me he lost his front tooth in a football accident, had it fixed 'back home, in the islands', that it cost him $35, and that he brought in his own gold chain that they melted down and made into his current tooth.


I couldn't beat that (though I tried: well, ummm, I pondered, I think I'm the first patient to ever photograph their crown like it was royalty!) so I said my goodbyes while running my tongue over my little, smooth gold tooth, thinking, 'I have an old gold chain at home!' hmmmmmm.....