At a time in my life when I thought I'd be gaining lots and lots of poundage, eating for two, and spending all my energy creating a little life inside me...instead, I'm doing the exact opposite: I'm working super duper hard to take off the poundage, eating less and less and spending all my energy on creating my own life. I've become a wee bit gym obsessed. I can't believe it myself. I've never believed in working out. Didn't do it. Didn't want to do it.
Now, I can't wait to get there.
I go to the gayest gym in the world and I love it. I am completely invisible. I can look at them all I want, they don't look back. It's awesome.
I'd tried going to gyms in the past--okay, maybe a try-out day at one and a membership-but-never -attended at another--but always felt like meatloaf. Granted, they were 'straight' gyms and so everyone was checking each other out and sizing each other up and hooking up....and....and...yes, waaait aaaa minute, that happens at the gym I'm at now! Big time! Well, it just so happens, now I'm at a restaurant but I'm not on the menu! Finally! I can totally relax, sit-back and find out what this working out thing is all about.
Now, this wasn't always the case, me being okay with being ignored by the boys. As I was cruising along on the eliptical today, I remembered a time when I would go out with E. and we'd hit up the gay bars in n.y. and I cried to him,
E! None of these guys WANT me!
and, with a dead serious look on his face, he said with complete earnest,
No, Maaary, but all of these guys want to BE you! And, isn't that enough?
Well, now, I want to be them. They work out like monsters. I see the same guys no matter what day or time I go. I'm starting to feel like we're a little pack of people who are determined to keep their totally ripped arms and abs. Or, in my case, a smaller pack of people who actually want totally ripped arms and abs.
These days, I'm changing my clothes at work before going to the gym and I was walking down the hallway in a classic gym outfit and I saw a few of my first graders...one of my very favorites called out to me,
S: miss molly? miss molly? where are you going? why are you dressed like that?
me: um, well, i'm going to the gym.
S: oh, um, well you look....you look, um...
ohgod, please don't say weird, or fat, or blobby, or funny. Really, this gym thing is so new, I think a little kid's opinion at this point could make me pack it all in.
S: well, you look, really strong, miss molly.
Huge sigh. Oh, man, okay, I'm taking that one and running with it.
All the way to the gym.