cohesive

I'm not much of group person. I like groups okay, but I was never really a person who had a "group" of friends. I had lots of different friends, that belonged to lots of other groups. But mostly, I had individual friends that I hung out with alone or I'd hang out with individuals from various groups and sometimes bring those said individuals, strangers to one another, together to see what would happen.


I think I'm quite intimidated by groups of friends: People that have been in each others lives, dated one another, told each other all their most sordid secrets, disappointed each other, been there for one another...

At my age, even if you wanted to, you can't exactly join a group of friends. They're settled. They have their thing. You're never really gonna break into that world completely.

I suppose I've thought of my family as a 'group' that I'm a part of. I think, when we're all together, we've often been described as a 'gang'. And, maybe that's also part of the reason for my lack of other-group status: I do belong to one, it started at birth. Hard to top that.
And, when I looked up the word "group" in the dictionary, it said a group could be "two or more people"... which made me realize that RK and I classify as a "group", too. So, I'm really already part of two groups.

I've always known it, but feel like, as an adult, I can actually say it: I really, really like being alone. Not lonely. Of course not. Everyone knows those are actually two different things. But I really enjoy being on my own. I find myself quite good company.

Sometimes I drive my own self crazy,
but I think that can happen to the best of our selves.



images from here