Saturday, July 25, 2009

Trans-Planted Experts

Driving down a quaint French road, we saw the plant--big, bushy, gorgeous lavender. But we weren't quite sure if it was lavender (it had a sort of bushy, sage feel to it)--so, we pulled over to the side of the road and I reached out an innocent arm to take just a snip of evidence. I was quite aware of the numerous bees floating around this yummy bush, full of pollen, but as I was watching the two or three to the side of me, I paid absolutely no attention to what was in front of me and to where I was slamming my big paw into and BAM! I felt it instantly. Pulling out a flower never had quite this level of burning before. When I brought the stem up to my eyes, there was the little, seemingly innocent, creature that had stung me. He was stuck to me. Not with glue, happiness, or obsession. He was stuck to me cuz he had no other choice. I now had his little butt sticker and he probably didn't want to let it go. Heck, I literally had his life in my hands. In my finger! I shook him free (and, yes, i know, to his death) and slowly but surely started freaking out.

I haven't been stung since i was a little kid, maybe five or six? I barely remember it. I know I'm not allergic to bee stings, but what if I'd grown to be allergic? What if I'd gained an allergy in my older age?! There's so many people with so many more allergies these days, the hypochondriac in my brain got the better of me. I was thinking snake bite, the poison slowly sinking into my blood stream with each passing minute. My mom was in the back seat and my sister was behind the wheel,

me: ah! ah! ah! ah! ah! oh man, get it out! gads, its in there! help me get it out please!

mom: um, okay, uh...lemme try and find my glasses. i cant see it in there. are you sure it's his stinger? i think its just a bit of sticker from the bush...

me: no, no, no, its his stinger, i'm sure of it, somebodys got to pull it out and suck out the poison! i cant cuz i'm squeezing my finger to make sure it doesn't flow into my blood stream!,

I turn to my sister,

me: jeezus, it hurts! gads, get it out! please!

sister: oh, um, okay, hang on, hang on...i gotta find my glasses, i can't see it. i know how you're feeling though, cuz this is how i felt the other day when i got stung. did you know i got stung two days ago when i was trying to take a picture of you and mom?

mom: oh yeah, molly, did you know your sister got stung yesterday? oh,no, not yesterday, but a couple days ago when she was up in that window? jeeze, how bad did that hurt Kaari?

me: oh man, you guys, THIS one really, really hurts...

mom: okay! i found my glasses, lemme see, let me see it...


YANK! she pulled it out and the pain just continued. I couldn't beeelieve how much it hurt. Man, did it hurt this much at age six?! Was it poisoning me as we sat here?! Was i going to die?! Was my finger swelling up?! It looked bigger. It definitely looked much bigger, and blue-er. Not good. When would the pain go away?! I'd put so much pressure on it, it was white and flat. Nope, It didn't look good. While I was wondering if I needed to lay down for awhile, I heard...


mom: so, um ...is it lavender?

14 comments:

Kaari Marie said...

Hey!
I was the one who pulled out the stinger!!! Get your story right!

Anonymous said...

Kaari is right.....but I understand the mistake because you were probably in a state of shock and a mother is the one who would NORMALLY come to your rescue.....if she didn't need glasses to find the stinger!
But it's such a good story the way it is, it's ok if you take a little artistic liberty!! Mom

Lorac said...

LOl Too funny! I get stung every year, usually on my foot as I go bare foot in the back yard all summer. It does freaking hurt! But not for long. I presume you made it? No anaphylaxis?

Maggie May said...

i think it DOES hurt worse when you are grown!

spudballoo said...

waaaah! hilarious...MrSpud got stung today in the garden. I had no idea what was going on until he started frantcially running around the garden screaming. We all laughed!!! ooop! x

cinner said...

Molly, I hope you are feeling better, I have to tell you I was laughing, I can just see your Mom and sister looking for their glasses and then yes wondering if it was lavender...my litlle newphew was about 5 and he had come running to the house crying that the beehive had gotten him! He must of had 20 and some were under his clothes. It was horrible. To this day we all hate them. Good luck to you!

comfies said...

i really needed a funny story. thank you for that. i mean, i'm sorry that you were in so much pain though! but it's a funny story. x.

hol said...

Oh Mol, how I love your writing, and the scene is all too familiar! Love those bees and all they do, but wish they didn't take their job so seriously! I hope you didn't swell too much, that hurts more! OX, Hol

ryan manning said...

hi

Bonbon Oiseau said...

goood story! but poor you! it might have hurt just as much when you were a little kid but you probably got more attention for it. awwww....So glad you weren't poisoned!

lotta said...

Miss Molly, you always make me laugh! Thank you. And thank you for bringing us along on your French adventure. And congrats to the airline upgrade, well done!

Molly de Vries said...

Girl, I love your writing. I'm so sorry you got stung, My 6 year old boy got stung twice camping last weekend in his foot and it was so sad, he cried and cried.I held him and held him with mothers love. I needed to get my glasses too. It's really sick, but I kind of love it when my kids get hurt, so that I can hold them for the most tender moments. My sweet boy got better, but didn't want to go back in that tent.

hobo soup said...

boy bees don't sting, girls bee do. i think that is important in a post feminist world.
mr. bees

Karafina said...

i never been stung, ever!