The Here and Now

I don't think it really occurred to me how much I would long for this place. On arrival, landing softly from the sky, I realized I wanted back in. Sat in traffic, I wistfully wondered (madly texting back home) why we ever left here. Of course I know why, but the overcast sky and the wildly exciting feeling of anticipation seem to mellow each other out and cloud my memory.
"This place" is New York City.
It's no surprise. I think I've clearly stated my case for the big apple over and over. Maybe I've dipped into the comparison convo and San Francisco seemed to come out pretty darn well....but, in the back of my mind, I keep the knowledge. I know what I know, but I live in the here and now.
It makes it all the stranger that when I come here, I stay in my old apartment. I hang out with my old friends. We sit around my old kitchen table. Literally, my old table. And then funny little things happen: Last night when I walked up to the first floor (or ground floor, depending on where you grew up) I saw an old school desk outside the apartment. A little later, S. (who lives here now) asked what I thought about the old desk.
"Well, I used to have the same exact one."
"That's funny," she said, "I picked it up off the sidewalk just outside."
"Yeah, about eight years ago, I did the same exact thing. A high school closed down the street and this thing kept moving around the street until it finally made it's way down here to just outside the apartment. I figured it was determined to make it, so who am I to refuse? and I brought it inside."
It felt like some strange circular karma.
We are so very lucky that S. has stayed on in this apartment. It feels like it's stayed in the family.

The energy here is palpable. It's unstoppable. For some, that is a scary, overwhelming feeling. For me, it just feels like home. Got to hang out with Michele at both the shop and her amazing, incredibly inspiring apartment. Such a great way to start the evening. Earlier in the day, spent some great kickback time at Kelly's studio and walked out with three new hats (only one for me!)courtesy of our good friend John. Felt like old times.

Tonight, as I lay me down to sleep, I listen to the traffic zoom by, the rain pound down and feel the train rumble under the floor....surprisingly, I drift off to sweet dreams, knowing I'll wake up tomorrow morning, walk down to coffee at cafe henri and pretend I live here for just the here and now.