Monday, September 2, 2013

worrying for worryings sake



I used to think that worrying kept the bad things at bay.  
I believed that if I worried about things that were currently happening, it would make them stop.  
And if I worried about things that might happen, they would never start.  i thought worrying was your safest bet.  For as long as possible.  It kept ALL your energy on one thing, focused on the myriad of 'what ifs' that could could harness the power of stopping that 'what' from ever happening.  If I stopped concentrating, with hand-wringing stress, on the thing that I was so afraid of, it would absolutely happen.

What took me all these years to realize (and i still fall short of somedays) is that worrying about something is spending energy making the some-thing inevitable.  Worrying is also an absolute soul-sucking waste of energy.    

My mom once said, 'I spend all this time worrying I won't enjoy the party, we get there, I'm the one that doesn't want to leave."  I am my mother's daughter.

As RK says, 'will it happen? won't it? exactly.  it will or it won't.'

i've worried about my future, i've worried about my past.  i've worried about the right now, the minute before it and the minute after.
Always with the
What if?
What if?
What if?


and one day, one of my brother's said to me, 'what would happen if you didn't worry?'

I ask myself that every day.
What if?

these days, i love that question.

2 comments:

Laura Lynn said...

So very very true

Molly said...

There's something I've been worrying about for ages, spending all my quiet moments fretting about it. Recently I suddenly just decided to stop. It's not going to happen, I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Like you said, I'm not going to spend any energy on it anymore.
It's been nearly 2 weeks and I've not worried about it once. I can think about it without instantly starting to fret.
I feel victorious. And free!
Well-timed post, thank you.